More patience

I realized today that the bradies do NOT freak me out. That is, as long as Evan is still nice and pink--instead of grey or bluish--I don't overreact. He had a couple today while I was feeding/burping him and I just rubbed his back and it stopped. So maybe I am more used to it than I think.

The doctor (let's call him Dr. #3, but this one is Evan's primary doctor) said this afternoon that he will probably go home Tuesday. Then this evening it changed to Friday at the earliest. I feel like I haven't completely trusted the doctors, which is unfair. These are some of the best neonatalogists in the country, and I need to trust them. Evan is just unpredictable, and when we think he's about ready to go home, he shows us that he needs a little more time. He is 6 lbs, 2 ounces, is gaining weight, eats well, so in terms of everything he is doing great. He just needs more time to outgrow the episodes, which are probably caused in part by his reflux.

As JR says, we need to stay excited about him coming home and not get frustrated. I am feeling much better than even a couple days ago. I can't wait to hold him whenever I want! Today it broke my heart to put him back in his bassinet, when he was sleeping so peacefully against my chest (and he showed his displeasure by promptly waking up and crying). I had to leave quickly because the nurses were about to change shifts and do reports and parents aren't allowed then. Sometimes, too, Evan is crying for 5-10 minutes until a nurse has time to get his bottle. It will be nice to have more control over these things, like feedings, when he's home. Slowly I'm gaining more control and confidence, though--today I gave him his reflux medications and fortified my breastmilk. Baby steps, even for me.